I feel funny saying this, but there's something I want.
And I mean really want.
It's not an unbiblical want. I've had those for sure, but this particular desire, it's a very biblical want. I personally don't think it could be much more biblical. It's a want I've wanted for a long time. Years. It existed as a vague desire ever since I was in my early teens and has grown more and more specific and more and more earnest as I've grown older.
But God hasn't made it easy.
Honestly a whole lot of it is probably me just being the weak little man that I am, but it does seem sometimes that He has put obstacle after obstacle in the way of obtaining it.
I'm saying all this because just this last week, another obstacle.
And you know, I can start getting a little frustrated. There have even been times where I find myself praying, "God what is going on?"
Until I remember what I deserve. I'm glad God doesn't immediately give me everything I want because it tells me a whole lot about what I think about myself. It's easy for me to go to church and say I believe I don't deserve anything but the way I respond to disappointments much more accurately reveals what I really believe about me, and you know what, about God.
I love the story of the Syro-Phoenician woman in Mark 7.
She comes to Jesus, asks for help and he ignores her and then basically calls her a dog. The crazy thing is, she doesn't object. She accepts it.
"Yes Lord, but…"
I think the reason God didn't make it easy for her to get what she wanted was to test her, to reveal what she really believed about what she deserved and to see whether she was willing to continue to believe that Jesus was willing to do her good in spite of all that.
I'm glad God doesn't give me everything I want right away because it reveals what I really believe about Him. It's easy for me to go to church and say that I believe He is good and that He will always keep His promises, but the way I respond to disappointments is probably a much better and more accurate reflection of the reality of my faith.